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Post by thejman on Feb 17, 2017 6:37:42 GMT
I love her already. Nice job on the armor design
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Post by Zaezar on Feb 17, 2017 23:40:51 GMT
A couple things. I like how you gave them an occupation and such. Its nice to have what they are doing in the world so other people can work with it better if they choose to. Though you will want to add a location into the description if you can. Its something that I need to update on the page as a suggestion, so its not entirely your fault. In fact, its not really that important to most people haha. Its just used for if people like keeping a continuity in their works. For example, I have characters set in New London so it would be very strange if they were chatting in person with someone who lives in Africa, you know? Most people don't really bother with such things. But its something to consider! At the moment, there are a few places currently being built assuming this is something you want. - New London, a supercity where it never rains and the water filters through levels of gangs and violence to the unlivable lower levels. - Houston, Texas. Literally a concrete jungle. Where the buildings are always threatening to fall into the water below and the bugs make you consider just jumping anyways. - The Sunken Collective. Up the coast from Houston. The marsh has totally taken over and brought with it death. The people there are fighting back against nature slowly and painfully. Of course, you can build your own if you care to  The second thing that I should mention is the blood ability. Its supposed to be VERY limited in powers and abilities here. With the ones that CAN exist are from the Cursed Family. And that really only exists as an excuse to add stuff like this in if you absolutely cannot live without it. You can find the details in the "What The Heck Is..." thread here: projectcyden.boards.net/thread/10/heck But it really boils down to whatever you have them able to do should be able to backfire and kill them. Very easily. Ozora has her heart and perception of time linked to the beats and rhythm around her. Listen to speedcore music and she is a literal blur to the "frozen" people around her. But if she does so too much, her heart will give out due to the high stress. If she has nothing to listen to, then she will die as her heart will literally stop beating. Its a give and take that builds the character, not a power that she should use whenever. The vat grown flesh, cybernetics, and all that jazz is totally fine (There is a group in Africa (I think) that is build on that idea and get their "powers" from tech. Good excuse to get around the curse in my opinion (Though they are implied to be far-reaching and I am not going to allow anything to try to force its way into someone else's stories)). I'm not going to fault you on any of that stuff. Its a Cyberpunk future setting. Space flight is possible! You can have super strength just fine. But you should realistically look at tweaking that ability so they can't just go around and insta-kill those that she doesn't like. Maybe have her without a heart so she has to constantly force her own blood to pump. So to break that concentration to remove someone else's puts her at risk. Things like that would make it a more well-build character for the world and prevent god-mode characters being prevalent. I may sound like I am harping on the character too much. But these little things are the difference in being included in others's works or ending up working on your own in a lot of cases. I would love to see you continue the character. How did they get the combat mutations? Were they born with it? Is there more, or a lab somewhere doing this? If she is series III then what happened to I and II? Are they out there or "decommissioned"? There are a lot of questions that I would love to see explored and built upon! |
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Post by Zaezar on Feb 18, 2017 6:26:02 GMT
I'm just going to chezmarine you here instead of bothering with BB code to quote you. That is not the typing I want to do at the moment! When You solidify the changes to the character and whatnot, be sure to update what is says at the top! It makes it easier when looking up info on a character than reading through the thread. I'm certain you will soon anyways, but I always feel the need to remind people of everything on here. Makes my life a lot easier than assuming. Right now New London is the only place that is high-tech. Most people at the moment like going with the low to medium technology level in their settings. So having this character there kinda makes more sense. Plus its where I have my characters so I am always excited to see people want to put theirs in as well. Totally not biased at all >-> No one has done anything in Germany, no. You are free to work in there if you choose (I REALLY need to update the list of places. Adding it to the update list). I would consider what condition its in. Would the government still exist in a way that they would still use the Reich system? Just a thought. Really no one has said that the governments are gone or severely changed. But direct references to that system would say without a doubt that its at least partially unchanged! Unless its the people that determined its a new Reich, overthrowing the government in the process... I'm getting on a tangent. Feel free to edit Germany as you see fit. But I would recommend you avoid Nazis! Too easy, and I think people are sick of Nazi talk for a while. Even though they do have a ton of history and such. Its just they are ALWAYS the bad guy, you know? I actually just read through what you had posted earlier about New Germany. I will be posting over there, but I like it so far (and no Nazi's, phew.) One thing that I had forgotten about earlier. I don't know if you had read it or not, but there was a whole topic on a Bio-Tech. Technically a gel that attempts to take over the host but gives them really high strength, endurance, and traits from the animal it was originally. Vampire bat, anyone? There are caveats, but it might be worth a read if you are interested in basing the character in Cyden-made items. projectcyden.boards.net/thread/53/organic-tech-concept-extraterrestrial-samples (Yeah, I am a mod and always want to connect everything with everything else around here. Feel free to pass if it doesn't work out). Onto the Hemokenesis. Details! Yes! The one sentence you gave led me to believe the worst haha. That method is a lot more sane and more fun. Especially the Nanite idea. So whats rather funny is all afternoon I was talking to friends about the blood idea and how they might approach it. I had told them it was basically god level powers (Don't worry, in a good light, not in a bad way towards you <3) and asked for what THEY would change. It was a nice range from "Using your own blood will pass you out really easily" to "Literally only being able to see and hear in hearbeats/the blood of others." One person suggested Nanites too, though with the caveat that you had to be injected with it constantly. No fun there. I think I would agree, using it should seem like a last resort for ammo or whatnot. And the idea that they can essentially "vampire" people is fitting and a neat touch. You could certainly get a reputation for that! You could even go full vampire and say that the Nanites actually use up a little of your blood as fuel in order to function properly, requiring you to actually HAVE to drain people on occasion. That would be super quirky though. It seems like you have the right idea. Insta-win is no fun here. So I have trust that you will make the proper balance! Hey, everyone sleepy posts on occasion. And it just gave me a chance to dissect and discuss ideas with a new user. Always a plus in my mind. Just remember to update the first post in the thread with new info when you have stuff nailed down so we can get to it easier later on! I can't wait to see what all you post  |
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